i have you to share early morning breakfasts with
to bum a cup of coffee for two while
catching the morning sea breeze
and as i stretch my sore muscles on the hammock

i have your hands to tenderly knead
the tautness off my back as we wait
for the hum of the pine trees to lull
our restless minds to the serenity

of an afternoon siesta
and as the glimmer of the setting sun
fades to the grayness of dusk
i know i have you

to share a plateful of dinner for two with
beneath the flicker of a thousand stars
beneath the white-glow of a perfect moon
i have your arms around me

and as the morning light creeps
through the cracks of the bamboo walls
i know i have you with me
still for one more day

when everything else feels like a mirage, an optical illusion playing with your foolish mind.

when you feel betrayed by so-called friends, when sweet-talking was just an ostentatious exercise to worm their way into your life.

when you feel silly because you should have noticed something from the very beginning but imprudently ignored it.

when you sheepishly thought that simple things will not invite trouble.

when you wish that negativity is not so contagious.

when you wish that the galaxy is peopled with a different breed, not some backstabbing bitches and assholes who aggrandize phony self-righteous arrogance.

# # # #

i took the 3-hour drive to spend half my week

with You.

and you endured the 4-hour drive to spend half your week

with Me.

for a while there we threw caution into the wind

and let the moment take its hold

on Us.

twice the misery plus a few bottles of beer is a crowd. a sweet harmless company meant to salvage what little comfort they could give and hold on to from the other.

and right there is the part where they started talking about miss’ery, and him and her, and eventually them.

he told stories buried deep in the recesses of her mind.  she still can’t believe he remembered those. he wondered why she kept appearing, after months of absence, at a time when he needed someone to be with him.  she said “i’m probably your Angel, sent by some cosmic force to look after you.” they both laughed and let it pass.

the truth is, There is her escape. There is where she runs away from the pressure of life even just for a moment.  There is where she seeks alone time to think, to forget, and to figure things out.  it’s her piece of heaven, his Angel’s piece of Heaven.  right then is also the part where he subconsciously started being her angel too.

and so, from then on twice the misery and a few bottles of beer had good old talks and good old walks.  by the beach beneath the fading orange-red light of the setting sun with their surfboards left nonchalantly on the shore, they were rendered lightheaded and sober.ly intoxicated.

i just had to escape the concrete jungle.  it was suffocating, draining what was left of my energy. i needed to be optimistic, find a semblance of peace of mind.  and so i went.

the ocean felt alien then. sure, the surfer in me misses the rise of the swell and the spray of the salty wind on my face from time to time. but right then as i was scrunching my toes in the sun-scorched sand of the beach, i, who used to go to the beach almost every weekend for a dose of surfing, felt lost. it felt like dipping my toes to a life lived long ago.

it was just supposed to be my ocean fix, a little something that will keep my mind off things.  it was supposed to be a simple distraction to cool my nerves, ease the stress.  but what happens when there’s twice the misery?

Birds are often used to represent the soul.  They have several meaning among which the most recurrent are, especially for the swallow, freedom and safe return home.  It is also believed that seeing the first swallow will bring prosperity.

A much stylized manaia forms the swallow’s head and breast, enforcing its protection value. Just below, a fish hook symbolizes wealth and prosperity. The waves and korus forming the wings are symbols of new beginning and change.

XI.XI.MMIX

“it was only a kiss. how did it end up like this? jelousy, turning saints into the sea. swimming through sick lullabies. choking on your alibis. but it’s just the price i pay. destiny is calling me to open up my eager eyes”

coz i’m mistress brightside!

“Using me as a doormat is one thing. Screwing with my career is another! I have been wiping your snot and covering your ass for weeks now. And all you’ve done is abuse me. And for a little while you get to do that because you’re heartbroken and pathetic, and I’m a good friend. But it ends now. Get your own surgery and wipe your own snot.” -Izzie on Grey’s Anatomy

The same goes for us. I felt vindicated.  You lost. Big time. And now you are complaining i am becoming a bitch. You haven’t seen the bitch in me yet.